English football, surely not?
As we gaze into the navel of English football and pick out the expensive and useless bits of fluff that pass for footballers these days, it's hard to remember the heady days of England 5, Andorra 0, isn't it?
I watched the game with my grand-daughter, Ruby Robson, on me lap - it's important for even the tiniest English person to be aware of just how bloody frustrating life can be.
I've heard the phrase 'reality check' being bandied about after this result. No. A reality check would be making Ashley Cole live in a council flat off the jobseekers' allowance for a week.
England are not very good. Well, defensively they are fine. Ledley King was masterful. It's just everywhere else.
Gerrard - either stay out on the right or hack Lamps in training so you can have his shift. Carrick - despite the ritual half-time love-in from Hansen and co, I still think you do next to nowt.
Downing - he's a Boro lad but actually no, son, you are officially not up to it. And I know Ronaldinho Crouch has a nice ring to it, but your name is Peter and you don't score from acute angles.
Rooney - ah Rooney. What's happened to the boy blunder? Looks like his boots are a size too big and he's packed cotton wool in them as wadding.
I think the red card against the Winker and co has taken the edge off him. He's scared of getting another one and as a consequence he looks like he's going to get another one.
You'd give him a rest but then Defoe would be on instead and well... there's always Theo...? Nah!
I wouldn't mind but the Scots keep winning (OK, well done). Next thing we know there'll be a Scottish Prime Minister.
What are the tactics right now? It's like schoolboy footie. Plan A - give it to the really good lad who might get you a goal (Gerrard). Plan B - get the tallest kid to to play centre-forward and lump it in his direction.
If, as rumours suggested, the players are dictating teams and formation, then it just go to show how stupid footballers can be.
"What would you do if you were manager, Robbo?" I hear you cry. Well I'd put together a team that failed so utterly the FA would have to sack me and I'd be on 13 grand a day for the rest of me life.
Two Crackers off the Beeb webble site, the first from a chap on the 606
However, if I could be bothered I'd go for a 3-5-2. (Let's face it 1-8-1 would be an improvement.) A back three of Terry, Ferdinand, Neville. A midfield five of Wright-Phillips, Rooney, King, Lampard (while Gerrard is suspended), and Richardson, and Crouch and Johnson up front. Madness. We'd lose 5-4. But it wouldn't be dull.
Lord save us from more dull. If this team were a paint they'd be magnolia, if they were a pop star they'd be James Blunt, if they were a town they'd be Telford.
These players are world-class we're told - until they play with each other, when they become third-class.
Why don't we ask Walter Smith how to put a team together? In fact, let's just ask Terry Venables to do the job properly.
And secondly on the funnies page:
Italy defender Marco Materazzi will publish a joke book linked to the infamous headbutting incident with Zindine Zidane in the World Cup final against France. It is called "What I really said to Zidane" and consists of 249 phrases he might have said to the Frenchman.
Cant quite understand why there are 249......
I watched the game with my grand-daughter, Ruby Robson, on me lap - it's important for even the tiniest English person to be aware of just how bloody frustrating life can be.
I've heard the phrase 'reality check' being bandied about after this result. No. A reality check would be making Ashley Cole live in a council flat off the jobseekers' allowance for a week.
England are not very good. Well, defensively they are fine. Ledley King was masterful. It's just everywhere else.
Gerrard - either stay out on the right or hack Lamps in training so you can have his shift. Carrick - despite the ritual half-time love-in from Hansen and co, I still think you do next to nowt.
Downing - he's a Boro lad but actually no, son, you are officially not up to it. And I know Ronaldinho Crouch has a nice ring to it, but your name is Peter and you don't score from acute angles.
Rooney - ah Rooney. What's happened to the boy blunder? Looks like his boots are a size too big and he's packed cotton wool in them as wadding.
I think the red card against the Winker and co has taken the edge off him. He's scared of getting another one and as a consequence he looks like he's going to get another one.
You'd give him a rest but then Defoe would be on instead and well... there's always Theo...? Nah!
I wouldn't mind but the Scots keep winning (OK, well done). Next thing we know there'll be a Scottish Prime Minister.
What are the tactics right now? It's like schoolboy footie. Plan A - give it to the really good lad who might get you a goal (Gerrard). Plan B - get the tallest kid to to play centre-forward and lump it in his direction.
If, as rumours suggested, the players are dictating teams and formation, then it just go to show how stupid footballers can be.
"What would you do if you were manager, Robbo?" I hear you cry. Well I'd put together a team that failed so utterly the FA would have to sack me and I'd be on 13 grand a day for the rest of me life.
Two Crackers off the Beeb webble site, the first from a chap on the 606
However, if I could be bothered I'd go for a 3-5-2. (Let's face it 1-8-1 would be an improvement.) A back three of Terry, Ferdinand, Neville. A midfield five of Wright-Phillips, Rooney, King, Lampard (while Gerrard is suspended), and Richardson, and Crouch and Johnson up front. Madness. We'd lose 5-4. But it wouldn't be dull.
Lord save us from more dull. If this team were a paint they'd be magnolia, if they were a pop star they'd be James Blunt, if they were a town they'd be Telford.
These players are world-class we're told - until they play with each other, when they become third-class.
Why don't we ask Walter Smith how to put a team together? In fact, let's just ask Terry Venables to do the job properly.
And secondly on the funnies page:
Italy defender Marco Materazzi will publish a joke book linked to the infamous headbutting incident with Zindine Zidane in the World Cup final against France. It is called "What I really said to Zidane" and consists of 249 phrases he might have said to the Frenchman.
Cant quite understand why there are 249......
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