Been listening to far too much League of Gentlemen
Joke Shop Man:Yes Pal can I help you?
Customer:I am just browsing
Joke Shop Man:Sorry chief didnt catch that
Customer:Oh im just looking around
Joke Shop Man:Straight out the door turn left right up the old road
Customer:Sorry?
Joke Shop Man:Thats the way to the bleeding library alright?
Customer:Isn't this the joke shop?
Joke Shop Man:Three pairs of plastic tits in the window, a jar of fart sweets on the counter no mate, its the bleeding butchers Jesus.
Joke Shop Man:Yes this is the Joke Shop, Joke being the operative word so if you've just come here to laugh at the bumper stickers and the wind up willies, you can clear off out of it now
Customer:No I am going to be making a purchase
Joke Shop Man:Well whoopee-bleeding-doo
What is it then stag night?
Customer:Hmm?
Joke Shop Man:Going to a stag night need something a bit saucy, come here I got just the thing
Customer:What is it?
Joke Shop Man:Well sprinkle it in the grooms undies the night before the wedding, gives him crabs! Its crabs eggs innit, hatch out of his bush overnight next day stood at the alter, misses next to him and all he can think about is scratchin his bleeding jewels because they're covered in crabs, its blinding innit four pound fifty?
Customer:What?
Joke Shop Man:Alright four quid
Customer:No, no I am after something more specific
Joke Shop Man:Alright, what about these, hot sweets? Give 'em the best man before he makes his speech
Customer:Hot sweets? Whats in them pepper?
Joke Shop Man:Pottasium, burns the roof of his mouth off and his tongue, never talk again
Customer:No its not quite what im after
Joke Shop Man:Alright hold your horses chief I know I got something for you, what about this, couple of drops of this in the brides champagne and she'll wet herself
Customer:Whats so funny about it
Joke Shop Man:Nah dont make her laugh, she wets herself, cant stop wetting herself goes on for hours, its a muscle relaxing I got a mate who works for a drugs company he knocks them out for fifteen quid
Customer:I am just browsing
Joke Shop Man:Sorry chief didnt catch that
Customer:Oh im just looking around
Joke Shop Man:Straight out the door turn left right up the old road
Customer:Sorry?
Joke Shop Man:Thats the way to the bleeding library alright?
Customer:Isn't this the joke shop?
Joke Shop Man:Three pairs of plastic tits in the window, a jar of fart sweets on the counter no mate, its the bleeding butchers Jesus.
Joke Shop Man:Yes this is the Joke Shop, Joke being the operative word so if you've just come here to laugh at the bumper stickers and the wind up willies, you can clear off out of it now
Customer:No I am going to be making a purchase
Joke Shop Man:Well whoopee-bleeding-doo
What is it then stag night?
Customer:Hmm?
Joke Shop Man:Going to a stag night need something a bit saucy, come here I got just the thing
Customer:What is it?
Joke Shop Man:Well sprinkle it in the grooms undies the night before the wedding, gives him crabs! Its crabs eggs innit, hatch out of his bush overnight next day stood at the alter, misses next to him and all he can think about is scratchin his bleeding jewels because they're covered in crabs, its blinding innit four pound fifty?
Customer:What?
Joke Shop Man:Alright four quid
Customer:No, no I am after something more specific
Joke Shop Man:Alright, what about these, hot sweets? Give 'em the best man before he makes his speech
Customer:Hot sweets? Whats in them pepper?
Joke Shop Man:Pottasium, burns the roof of his mouth off and his tongue, never talk again
Customer:No its not quite what im after
Joke Shop Man:Alright hold your horses chief I know I got something for you, what about this, couple of drops of this in the brides champagne and she'll wet herself
Customer:Whats so funny about it
Joke Shop Man:Nah dont make her laugh, she wets herself, cant stop wetting herself goes on for hours, its a muscle relaxing I got a mate who works for a drugs company he knocks them out for fifteen quid
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